I Want to Tell You but I Don't How
by Halawen
Summary: Clare left Toronto the moment she could to move to New York & start her new life as a student at Columbia. She's back together with Eli & everything would be perfect but she's run to New York with the secret of being pregnant with Drew's baby. She's told Eli & Johnny, her new roommate, but can she keep the secret & will Eli remain supportive? Can she & Johnny live together?
1. Moving into a New Life

**Legal: I own nothing but the idea**

**Important things to know before reading:**

***Most of this is in the chapter itself in Clare's monologue but I know some people skim the longer paragraphs so I'm putting it up here as well.**

***Adam never died and he's still with Becky, therefor Drew and Becky never got together.**

***Clare found out she was pregnant with Drew's baby but did not tell him she was pregnant.**

***Drew got back together with Bianca.**

***Clare and Eli got back together.**

***Johnny transferred from NYU to Columbia last year.**

***Clare no longer has contact with her father or Darcy.**

***Clare's phone call is italicized because it's a flashback. **

**Okay enjoy the chapter.**

**Ch.1 Moving into a New Life**

**(CLARE)**

"Well this is it," Eli says parking in the loading zone in front of the industrial apartment building. "Close to Columbia and a good neighborhood, you were lucky to find this place," Eli comments getting out of the rented moving truck.

"I was lucky that Johnny's roommate moved out leaving him with a vacancy and Alli heard about it through Facerange. Also lucky that Johnny remembered me and was willing to rent to me even after I told him I was pregnant," I respond getting out of the car and walking into the building with Eli.

It is Saturday the month of May is nearly over and this day has turned to evening. Back in Toronto DeGrassi senior prom is being held but I am not attending. I left yesterday as soon as my last exam was over, I already knew I would be graduating and nothing would prevent my admittance to Columbia this year. I didn't want to stick around for graduation or prom, I didn't want to celebrate in end of year festivities with my friends I just wanted to get out of there. My mom was more upset about it than I was, she wanted pictures of me in my cap and gown, she wanted to see me graduate and take pictures of me before prom. Well I'd already been to two proms one was a total disaster. the other was actually an incredible night for me and Eli but when I found out I had cancer, after a nose bleed and bump on my back discovered while getting into my prom dress, I had decided me and prom were a perfect storm for disaster. Actually me and school dances had never been a good match, there was Vegas Night, the dance where Eli intentionally crashed his car, even the hoe down where I had made love to Drew. It had been great, better than my dream I thought I was falling in love again and then everything fell apart.

To appease my mother I spoke to Simpson, he allowed me to get my cap and gown early. My mom had then hired a professional photographer and we got pictures of me in the cap and gown at the school last Saturday. Mom had tried to convince me to go to prom, she said it would be my last prom ever and last year I was elected prom queen but barely stayed at prom. I didn't tell her that I only won last year because Eli had rigged the vote but I did say I didn't need to go to another prom. Mom still didn't know I was pregnant, I was avoiding telling her for as long as possible, at least until I was safely in New York and she couldn't physically kill me.

Finding out I was pregnant was terrifying, I had been so elated upon my return from New York in January. My interview at Columbia had gone so well and Eli and I had rekindled in a way. I felt a spark with him I hadn't felt in months and all the pain from Drew sleeping with me and then deciding he was nothing but a rebound was washed away. The entire flight home all I thought about was attending Columbia next year and being with Eli, it didn't even bother me that Drew and Bianca had gotten back together, it seemed right just like me being back with Eli, even though we weren't just yet. And then I got that phone call and my world stopped. Pregnant! I couldn't be pregnant! I was only six weeks pregnant and the baby had to be Drew's because there had been no one else in that time. I couldn't tell Drew and I knew that and I couldn't abort, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't talk to Adam or Alli, I didn't trust Jenna not to tell Alli and I didn't want to be the pregnant high school girl.

The very first phone call I made was to Columbia, I waited until I knew I was in. I was fifteen weeks by then and had successfully hidden it from everyone. I'd been to two prenatals alone and was fairly determined to just get through it all alone. I was civil with Drew but not exactly friendly, we could be around each other we just preferred not to. The fact that we'd slept together had remained a guarded secret known to only our closest friends. Bianca knew, she and I were even sort of friends now, at least I could stand to be around her more than Drew. The fact that I was pregnant remained a secret only I carried until I found out I got into Columbia. The baby was due in mid-September, I had to tell them, I had to know how feasible it would be for me to be nine months pregnant at the beginning of the year and possibly go into labor in class. Not to mention if I chose to keep the baby I'd have to be out for several weeks. They kept my place allowing me to take online classes for the first semester so long as I met the minimum amount of credits. I still didn't know if I was going to keep the baby or give it away, it was a decision that plagued me every moment of every day.

After being assured that I hadn't lost my place at Colombia I had to call Eli. I couldn't be with him and hide the pregnancy, he had to know and I still remember every word of that conversation…

"_Hey Edwards I saw you got in, congratulations I never doubted for a minute that you'd do it. So I guess you'll be with me in New York next year," Eli says and I can picture the happy smirk on his lips._

"_Actually that's why I called," I tell him unable to hide the hesitation in my tone._

"_Uh oh that sounds like you're having second thoughts about it us. It can't be Drew he's back with Bianca," Eli responds grumbling out Drew's name like it stuck in his throat._

"_I'm not having second thoughts but you might, I'm pregnant Eli," I get straight to the point._

"_You're…who…" Eli stumbles on the words and I can actually hear them as they lodge in his throat with hitched breaths._

"_Drew, he was the last. I'm fifteen weeks but I haven't told anyone and I don't plan on telling Drew I don't think he should be involved. I don't even know if I'm going to keep the baby. I called Columbia and…"_

"_YOU HAD SEX WITH HIM!" Eli yells cutting me off. "HOW COULD YOU HAVE SEX WITH HIM?!"_

"_It happened one time you showed up right after and then Drew decided I was worthless to him, believe me I've regretted it since. Look I already talked with Columbia admissions they know everything and I can do online classes next semester. I'm keeping the pregnancy a secret, possibly forever if I choose not to keep it, the only reason I'm telling you now is that if we do get back together I couldn't hide it from you," I tell him._

"_How can you be pregnant with the child of that moronic womanizer, how could you have sex with him. I understand kissing him to get back at me but…"_

"_Eli stop," I cut him off, "you and I were broken up and my reasons and attraction to Drew were mine. I already regret it and I don't need you to censure me about it. I'm only telling you in case we g…"_

"_In case we what?" Eli snaps cutting me off again. "How can I ever touch you or even look at you again without thinking about the fact that you had sex with him and are pregnant with his kid," Eli hisses and hangs up._

I cried for an hour, was so stressed and depressed the following day I made myself sick and stayed home from school. When I did return to school I avoided Drew and when I was forced to be around him we fought, and then I passed out in the hall. Everyone attributed it to my cancer thinking it was back and I let them think so, I wasn't going to tell them the truth. And then I got home from school and found Eli in my room. We went to the abandoned church and talked for hours. He apologized for being angry saying it was the shock of it all. He said he still loved me and wanted to be with me, told me he would support me in whatever decision I made and I couldn't go through this alone. We got back together that night and told my mom when we got home, about us getting back together not about me being pregnant. Eli had been calling every other day and then it was every week and then every two but he did have finals.

He came out for my grad pictures at the school since no one else was there and when I made the decision to leave right after finals he came out to help me pack. Everyone at school, including Adam, Alli and even Drew, as well as my family thought I was just anxious to get to Columbia and start the next chapter of my life. It was the story I was going with to avoid the real reason, the extreme desire to hide this pregnancy from as many people as possible for as long as possibly, forever if necessary.

Alli still happens to be friends with Johnny on Facerange and she saw when he posted that his roommate was leaving and he'd have to find a new one soon but it was not easy to find a good roommate. She passed the info onto me and I called Johnny, he was more than surprised to hear from me and we talked for a couple of hours. Affording the rent was no problem I'd gotten a partial scholarship to Columbia and my grandparents had been saving for our college since the day Darcy and I were born. When Darcy went to Africa and said she was never going to college they moved the money to my account. I just have to use the money for things related to college but that does include living expenses.

Since Johnny already knew me, knew we both had a love of literature and writing, and I wouldn't have trouble making the rent he was more than happy to have me move in. Of course then I had to tell him I was pregnant, I didn't explain the whole situation only said Eli was not the father and I still didn't know if I wanted to keep the baby or not. Johnny was okay with it, he said the industrial apartments have concrete walls and are amazingly sound proof and the ground floor bedroom would have sufficient room for me and a baby plus I could take over the den if necessary. So now I had a place to live with someone I knew and trusted. Eli wasn't all that happy that I'd be living with another guy but I showed him a picture of Johnny when he was with Alli, gave him a history of his relationship with Alli and Eli had talked to Alli and then he was finally okay with it.

"Honestly I do feel safer with you living with another guy, especially pregnant. You can't move into the dorm with me and you didn't want to live in the dorms at Columbia," Eli comments when we get into the elevator.

"I couldn't Eli, I mean they can't discriminate against me and tell me I can't live in the dorms because I'm pregnant. None the less I didn't want to be pregnant in a dorm with some girl I'd never met and a bunch of rowdy college kids and if I do keep the baby I can't keep it in the dorms," I contend as the elevator dings on the 6th floor and we get out.

We wander the halls, turning a few corners and doubling back once before we find the right apartment and I knock on the door. It opens a moment later and I instantly recognize Johnny although he in no way resembles the ravine kid Alli dated in grade nine. He's cut his hair, he's got some muscle now and he even dresses better. Eli tenses just slightly when I smile and hug Johnny.

"You look so different," Johnny says.

"So do you, thanks for letting me move in," I smile.

"Are you kidding after my last roommate I was more than happy to rent to you," Johnny smiles back and then looks at Eli.

"Oh sorry Johnny DiMarco my boyfriend Eli Goldsworthy," I introduce the two and they shake hands.

"Nice to meet you, Clare told me about you when we talked well come on in let me show you around," Johnny says stepping aside so we can get in. The apartment has an open layout with a small kitchen and breakfast counter, there's a small dining table, a sofa and big screen TV of course. I see the den from here, it's a separate room but has no door, it also looks like a storage room since I see nothing but boxes and books in it. There are open stairs to the second level and a closed door which must be my room. "My room and washroom are on the second floor, there's a small washroom down here by the den and another in your room, both rooms are master suites," Johnny tells us walking toward the closed door and opening it.

The room is large, about twice the size of my room at home, even bigger than my parent's room. There's a decent sized washroom and a walk-in closet as well as a big window with a little bench which I can make into a reading corner.

"This will be perfect," I smile.

"Looks great, guess we better bring up your stuff," Eli comments.

"I'll help, here's your keys," Johnny says going into the kitchen and picking up a set of keys. "This is the front door, this is the mailbox and this is the laundry, this one is for the pool. The front entrance to the building is broken so there's no key to it but the building is secure and there's security. After we get your stuff in I'll take you on a tour of the building so you know where everything is," Johnny tells me.

"Yeah you might have to draw me a map to find the laundry and stuff we got a little lost just finding the apartment," I comment as we walk out to the hall and he laughs.

"You'll be able to navigate pretty quickly, it's a little like the city itself. You'll be totally lost for a few weeks and then it will all click," Johnny comments as we follow him to the elevator.

"He's right and knowing you it will only take a few days," Eli says. We take the elevator down and Eli opens the truck. "The only furniture is her bed and dresser, there's a dolly in the truck but it will probably be easier just for you and I to get the mattress and box spring," Eli says to Johnny as they look inside. Since the boys seem to be making a plan I reach for a box of books, I barely get my hands on the box when they both grab my arms pulling me back.

"Clare what are you doing?" Johnny questions.

"Getting a box so we can get all my stuff in," I respond pinching my eyebrows together.

"Fine but you can't lift a heavy box you're pregnant, take the light stuff," Eli tells me handing me two of my pillows.

I sigh and take the pillows holding the door for them to bring in the box spring. It takes a little over an hour to get all my stuff upstairs and then another half an hour for the guys to get my bed frame back together with the mattress and box spring in it. After a short break for dinner Johnny shows us around the building, then he follows us to the moving rental place so we can return the truck. When we return to the apartment we say goodnight to Johnny and Eli and I go into my room. Eli and I find my sheets and blankets and make my bed; he's sleeping over tonight but has to leave somewhat early in the morning to get to NYU. He has one last final to take and he has to study, anyway I need to unpack and get settled in here.

"You've been wonderful Eli, so understanding, I would have done everything possible to get through this all alone but I am extremely happy and grateful to have you. I love you," I smile curling into Eli when we're both lying in my bed.

"I love you too Clare," he says kissing the top of my head. "I don't like that you carry Drew's child and not mine but Drew will never know. Have you thought anymore about keeping the baby?"

"No I don't know what to do, I feel the baby growing inside me, feel it move and even kick. I don't know how to feel, a piece of me loves the child without knowing it and the rest of me is terrified," I confess.

"Terrified of what?" Eli asks.

"Everything. How can I be a full time student at Columbia and a good mother? How can I support a child? What if something goes wrong during child birth or something is wrong with the baby?"

"You'll be a wonderful mom Clare and you wouldn't be alone, I'll be with you. I'll be with you for everything I promise you with all my heart Clare I am with you," Eli vows.

"I know, I love you Eli," I grin kissing his chest and then yawn.

"I love you too, get some sleep it's been a long day," Eli says stroking my back and I soon fall asleep.

**(JOHNNY)**

Clare and Eli go into her room for the night and I sit on the sofa to watch TV until I get tired. When Clare first called me and said she was attending Columbia and needed a place to live I was all too happy to have her move in. I knew her fairly well, well enough to know that she would not run out without paying rent or skimp out on paying the bills. I knew she was a great writer, even if most of what she wrote was vampire fiction. I knew that she loved to read and many of my favorite books were hers as well. I knew that she had cut her hair but I still pictured her as sweet and cute, not sexy or beautiful like Alli. When she told me she was pregnant I was entirely shocked, hearing that St. Clare was pregnant was like hearing that I had been elected Prime Minister, not all together impossible just highly unlikely.

When I opened the door and saw her this evening she was an entirely different person. I knew it was Clare by her bright blue eyes and innocent smile but she looked so different. She hadn't just grown and matured she'd bloomed, it's not just her pregnancy which makes her glow, more than that she looked like a woman, a classic beauty and sex symbol. I remembered this mousy skinny girl but she was anything but what I remembered and I was instantly attracted. Being attracted to your roommate is bad enough but being sexually attracted to your roommate who not only has a boyfriend but is carrying the child of another boy is a whole mess of problems.

I kept repeating to myself all night that Clare has a boyfriend and she's pregnant and my attraction to her is purely sexual. I'll get over this attraction after a while and until then I'll just keep myself busy and away from the house. Yeah that's it I don't need to be home very much, there's my job and I know lots of great places to hang out. When I do have to be home I'll just be in my room as much as possible. I'm sure Eli will be here a lot anyway.

I stay up late into the night thinking about Clare, her situation or what little I know of it anyway. I finally go to bed at 2am and fall right to sleep. I wake up after eleven the next morning, shower and pull on some jeans and boxers before going downstairs. Clare is in the kitchen, looks like she just woke up too, her short hair is slightly messed from sleep and she is still in her pajamas. What I'm assuming is her pajamas anyway as she wears a grey tank top and cut off grey shorts, I hardly noticed the bulge of her belly last night but I can see it now protruding from under her tank top. I would think that her pregnant belly would turn me off but it doesn't at all, in fact I want to feel it, run my hand over the bump and feel her skin.

"Morning," Clare smiles biting her lip as her eyes linger on my bare chest before she looks away from me again and back to the fridge.

"_Could she be attracted to me too?" _I wonder as I watch her search the fridge for food.

"Morning, there isn't much to eat, I need to go shopping, there's some cereal on top of the fridge help yourself. We can go shopping after if you'd like, you'll need food too," I comment.

"Yes I eat so much now I can't believe I'm not a whale by now although sometimes I feel like one," she tells me trying to reach the cereal from the top of the fridge but her short stature makes it so that her fingers barely graze the box.

"You look beautiful, nothing like a whale," I comment getting the box down for her. She smiles biting her lip and blushing from the compliment.

We eat cereal at the table mostly in silence except when I ask her when Eli left and she tells me he left at nine to go study but kissed her goodbye. After we eat we return to our rooms to dress and get ready, we leave the apartment together. There's a market only three blocks away and I point out places of interest to Clare along the way. My favorite deli, ice cream shop and the best bakery near our apartment, a small park with a walking trail and a fabulous used bookstore. I push the cart as we shop, getting food that we both like and we split the bill at checkout.

"You're welcome to any of my food," I tell her as we start walking back to the apartment. In my first month here I bought a couple of those metal rolling carts since walking around New York is faster than driving. I take them with me whenever I go shopping now and I pull both of them behind me. Clare is eating a strawberry popsicle which she's dipping into a jar of hot mustard, it has to be one of those crazy pregnancy cravings because no normal person could eat that.

"Yes you too, sharing food is good although I think I eat more than you do right now, Eli says I eat more than him," she says taking another bite of the popsicle.

"Yeah how can you eat that?" I question watching her dip the popsicle back in the mustard and then take a bite.

"It's good, it was the first pregnancy craving I got," she tells me after swallowing.

"It looks gross but my mom told me she ate almost nothing but donuts covered in ketchup when she was pregnant with me," I remark.

"Ooh that sounds good I'll have to try that one," she says and I laugh.

When we get back to the apartment we put the groceries away, then I get some water from the fridge for both of us and we sit on the sofa. We are silent for a few minutes, watching a flock of pigeons fly back and forth over the building next door. I can't help but watching her, my eyes drawn to her heaving breast as she sips her water, this is bad I can't be attracted to her and I must fill the silence to get my mind off of it.

"You and Eli are a cute couple how long have you been together?" I ask her.

"On and off since I was in grade ten, he was different then, we both were. You know K.C. left me for Jenna," she comments and I nod. "That was my first real relationship and when it ended I was hurt but I spent the summer in London with my aunt, cut my hair and enjoyed the city. I came home refreshed and seeing Jenna and K.C. together no longer bothered me. I got laser surgery for my eyes and lost my glasses, then Eli came. Black hair, mesmerizing green eyes, dark clothing and driving an antique hearse, I found him endlessly intriguing. Like a noir hero from a dark romance novel. We shared a love of writing and literature, art and classic films."

All of these are things I love as well, everything she sees in Eli is something I love and I can't decide if it's good or bad that we're so alike.

"Eli was intense in a way I had never seen before and we danced around our attraction for a long time. When we finally kissed I thought we'd taken that next step but then he avoided me. After some fighting with him I found out his girlfriend, a girl that was practically living at his house, had been hit by a car and died after a fight. Eli blamed himself and was afraid to get close to anyone else, he was also hoarding but I didn't know that at the time. I agreed to take things slow; we began spending time together as friends and somewhat more. Just before break we had a dance, A Night in Vegas. Fitz had been fighting with Eli and our best friend Adam all semester; Fitz blackmailed me into going to the dance with him to keep him from beating up Eli or Adam. Eli got jealous and poisoned Fitz with ipecac at the dance so Fitz threatened Eli with a knife and went to juvie."

"Shit that's why he went to juvie? I heard about that but I didn't realize you were involved," I comment.

"Eli and I became official after break when my parents divorced and then I found out he was hoarding. Things were good for a while but Eli became possessive and suspicious, jealous over everything. When Fitz got out of juvie he had found God and came to apologize, I forgave him but Eli wouldn't hear it. Fitz backed off after coming to my house during a storm but Eli continued to get worse. I felt like he was suffocating me and when I tried to break up with him he intentionally crashed his car so I would come see him."

She goes on to tell me about Jake, her rebound and then her stepbrother. About the difficulty of transitioning from a relationship to stepsiblings, finding out El was bipolar. How she and Eli got back together after winter break when the Ice Hounds came to the school. About her co-op with Asher Shostak and how he assaulted her but didn't pay for it which I find sickening. She tells me about the young hockey player committing suicide and Eli finding the body sending him into a breakdown and yet another breakup for the two of them. How she ran for student council president against Drew her best friend Adam's older brother. He won but asked her to be his vice president. That she got back together with Eli at prom and then found out she had cancer keeping her from going to Paris. She talks about Eli coming home to nurse her through cancer; she went into remission just before school and began running student council with Drew.

"Eli became too busy with school to so much as return my calls, even Adam was busy. Drew and I spent a lot of time together running student council; he was there for me when no one else was. At Thanksgiving he broke up with Bianca and I found out Eli had cheated on me, I kissed Drew in a moment of upset weakness. I got back together with Eli and denied any attraction to Drew to the both of us. Only there was an attraction, a great one and it became harder and harder to deny and then I broke up with Eli and had sex with Drew in the prop room at school during a dance. Eli showed up angry that we had broken up and I told him we were through, I thought Drew and I were going to be together but he decided that he was a rebound and wanted nothing to do with me."

"The baby, it's Drew's isn't it?" I ask before she can continue.

"Yes but he doesn't even know I'm pregnant, no one does aside from you, Eli, my doctor and the admissions office at Columbia," she says.

She told me the pregnancy was a secret when we talked on the phone about the apartment. I had agreed to keep the secret from everyone but I figured the father knew and just didn't want to be a part of it, it happens all too often.

"So you just plan on never telling him? Your best friends with his brother you don't think Drew will eventually find out?" I inquire and Clare looks at me biting her lip and her eyes glistening with guilt.

**Update Tuesday December 9****th**** continuing from here as the roommates grow closer and the sexual tension builds. Can Clare really keep the secret from Drew? If you're wondering why a short story will be updated on a Tuesday next month go to the DeGrassi saviors website to view my entire holiday schedule.**


	2. Things I Want to Tell You

**Happy Birthday to blizzylizzy14! I dedicate this chapter to you and in honor of your birthday there will be ice cream!**

**Ch. 2 Things I Want to Tell You**

**(CLARE)**

"So you just plan on never telling him? Your best friends with his brother you don't think Drew will eventually find out?" Johnny asks and I bite my lip.

"He doesn't need to know," I reply slowly.

"He doesn't need to know that he has a kid on the way?"

"No, you don't know Drew he has the maturity of a five year old! He can't handle a kid and I don't even know if I'm going to keep it. I'm not I mean I can't be a student at one of the toughest schools and a single mom. Drew is happiest when he's oblivious," I assert.

"Don't give up the baby just because you think you can't handle school and a being a mom. You have Eli and you have me, and if you tell him you might have the dad and his family. You did say you're best friends with his brother," Johnny argues.

"No Drew won't want to be involved and I don't want to ruin his relationship with Bianca," I contend.

"You don't know that he doesn't want to be involved unless you tell him there's something to be involved in. You don't know that telling Drew he has a child will ruin his relationship, Eli forgave you right?"

"Drew doesn't need to know it's just better if he doesn't know," I argue weakly.

"What if your baby gets sick, what if he has some rare genetic thing from Drew's side of the family but it's not diagnosed because Drew doesn't know? I guess if you give the baby away then it won't really matter but if you keep the baby you're going to have to tell Drew. You can't think you can stay friends with Adam and not tell him he's an uncle," Johnny contests and I sigh biting my lip again and looking away.

"I'm going to lie down," I respond getting up.

Johnny doesn't say anything and I walk to the bedroom lying down. I have no idea what to do, I don't even know if I'm keeping the baby. It seemed like such a simple decision when I first found out I was pregnant, I'd tell as few people as possible and give the baby up for adoption. That was of course before I could feel it, the first time I felt movement was such an alien feeling, there was this tiny living thing inside me moving. It was weird beyond words and yet amazing, my body was creating a life. There's a part of me that doesn't want to let go and give the baby up no matter what the practical side of me says. But Drew…I really don't know what to do about Drew. We slept together in a moment of weakness and parted ways barely able to be in the same room. Every time I picture telling him I'm pregnant it goes very badly and he hates me. Okay so maybe he won't hate me but he'll be angry and Bianca could hate me and I'm sure they won't want to be involved. Or worse what if they try to take to the baby, I can't let anyone take my baby! Wait does this mean I am keeping the baby? Ugh I am so confused.

When my stomach growls I stop thinking about what to do about the baby and about Drew and go out to the kitchen. I start looking through the cupboards for a snack and look at the time on the microwave. I have a prenatal with my the OB/GYN that I'll be seeing in New York, they got my records from my previous doctor and I had one a few days before I left back in Toronto. Still they said with the move and everything they wanted me to come in just to meet me and see how the baby is. I start making a snack when my cell rings and I have to run to the bedroom to get it.

"Hi Eli," I answer somewhat breathlessly and start walking back to the living room.

"You okay? You sound a little out of breath," he says.

"Yeah just had to run to get my phone," I explain as I resume making my snack.

"Okay well I just called to say that I can't take you your appointment. I've been offered a job on an independent film that one of my professors and it starts today," Eli informs me.

"So I have to go alone? Eli I don't know how to get around the city, you promised you'd take me," I snap at him suddenly losing my appetite.

"I'm sorry just look up how to walk there or how to get there by subway and I promise I'll make it up to you. I love you," he says and hangs up. I put my phone down angrily and push my plate away.

"Problem?" Johnny questions and I jump because I didn't realize he was standing there until he spoke.

"Eli was supposed to take me to my prenatal but he got a job and can't. Guess I'll go get my laptop and look up the subway routes," I huff starting to walk to my room but Johnny stops me.

"I can take you, where is it and when?"

I tell him where and when and he says that's not far then tells me to eat my snack. I smile and let out a relieved breath. I eat my snack and get my shoes on, Johnny takes me to the subway and it's just a short ride to the doctor's office. Since I already did all the paperwork online and sent over and they have all my files from my Toronto doctor I don't have any to fill out.

"Do you want me to wait here?" Johnny questions when the nurse calls me back.

"No you can come in they're just going to do a scan and ask some questions," I reply and he follows me back.

I sit on the table and lay back, a nurse comes in and takes my blood pressure and vitals then my doctor comes in. A female doctor with the unfortunate married name of Dr. Milk. She's a pleasant woman with short brown hair and dark green eyes.

"Welcome Clare and is this the father?" The doctor asks when she sees Johnny.

"Uh no the father couldn't make it I'm just a friend," Johnny tells her.

"Nice to meet you it's good for Clare to have support for this, so why don't we get a look at the baby. Do you still want to wait to find out about the sex?" She asks while she puts the gel on my belly.

"Yes I want to wait," I nod. Truth is I don't want to know at all because I'm afraid if I know I won't be able to give it away.

"Your baby is healthy and developing well, have you looked into prenatal classes?" She asks turning off the ultrasound.

"No not yet I just moved yesterday," I reply.

"Columbia University Medical Center and St. Luke's offer the classes in this area. I highly recommend them but especially for first time moms," she tells me.

She asks me a few more questions and then tells me to come back in a month for my 3rd trimester checkup. I make an appointment and leave with Johnny.

"Thanks for coming with me," I say kissing his cheek as we leave the medical building, "I could have gone alone, I did with my first appointments. Still I did feel better having you there."

"No problem I was happy to do it," he grins as we begin descending the stairs to the subway. "You know this subway goes right to St. Luke's we could go check out the prenatal classes," he offers.

"Can't they just knock me out and take it out like they used to?" I sigh.

"That was over half a century ago and I don't think that would be good for you or the baby. Are you really that set on giving it up for adoption?" Johnny inquires.

"I don't know, I used to be set on it but now…I just don't know. Oh," I exclaim putting my hand on my belly as my baby kicks.

"Can I feel?" Johnny asks watching the movement in my belly.

"Sure just put your hand here," I tell him taking his hand and placing it on my belly. "Whoa, whatever you're having they're strong," he smiles and I smile watching him smile.

"I guess we can go check out the classes but I'm going to need something to eat afterward," I tell him.

"That's easy we're in New York there's a great place to eat every five feet," Johnny replies taking his hand from my belly but he's still smiling.

We get off at the stop for St. Luke's Hospital instead of the apartment and find out classes start Wednesday. Then we walk down to a deli and get some lunch, while eating I look at the pamphlet for the prenatal classes.

"It says you should go with your birthing partner, I guess that's Eli but I hope he can make it with this new job," I remark.

"If Eli can't make it I can come with you," Johnny offers.

"Thanks, what about your job though?" I question.

"I make my own hours as long as I meet the deadlines," he tells me. He works in the Columbia library as an archivist and as a grader for the English department.

"Okay well great thanks," I smile.

After eating we start walking back to the subway to go home but I stop when I smell fresh waffle cone.

"I smell it too come on they have killer ice cream here," Johnny says stopping at the ice cream shop.

"They have sixty flavors and over half of them have chocolate, it's a pregnant woman's dream!" I grin looking over the options. We both get ice cream, Johnny pays and we sit down.

"There's a bunch great places I can take you that are close to the apartment. Good places that the tourists don't know about," Johnny tells me.

"That would be great there's so many places I still want to see, I only saw a portion of central park and I never even went to Brooklyn. That looks good can I steal a bite?" I ask eyeing his ice cream. Johnny just smiles and putting his spoon in his ice cream holds it out to me. I smile and lick the ice cream from the spoon.

**(JOHNNY)**

I wake up Wednesday morning and go down to the kitchen, I don't put any clothes on but I never do. Clare doesn't mind and honestly I think I do it on purpose, I like the way she looks at me when I'm bare chested. She always comes out in her pajamas too and I like to think she's flirting with me but I doubt it. She's with Eli, not to mention carrying Drew's child. We do spend a lot of time together though, Eli's been here once since Clare moved in, Clare says his new job is keeping him busy. She also won't talk about Drew or telling him that she's pregnant with his kid.

I start making eggs and Clare comes out of her bedroom in a dark purple robe. She yawns and the robe falls open just a little, she doesn't seem to be wearing anything under the robe. I can see a portion of her breast, her pearly skin rounding into a beautiful mound. Just that little peek has me salivating, I have the urge to grasp it and squeeze tenderly. She fixes her robe, biting her lip with a shy smile and I finally blink.

"Morning, you want some breakfast?" I offer.

"Yeah I'm starved but I should have oatmeal and fruit," she replies and beings making oatmeal.

"I thought we could go to Central Park today since you only got to see part of it and you haven't gone out too much the last few days," I comment.

"I've been unpacking and stuff but going out would be nice. Eli said he'd take me to class today but I'm not sure he'll make it, he was supposed to come over last night and he didn't," she says sounding a little sad.

"Don't worry about it I told you I'd come if you needed me," I assure her.

"Thanks Johnny, I thought I was lucky when you had a room available but you've been amazing," she says kissing my cheek.

I smile back, I've never wanted to kiss someone so badly but I don't, I just go back to making my eggs. We eat and get dressed then take the subway to Central Park. We walk around for a couple of hours and then get lunch. I take her to MOMA and Grand Central Station before we go home and make a quick dinner.

"Thanks for taking me around I don't think I'll ever run out of things to do," she comments while we eat.

"And that's what's so great about New York," I grin.

"I'm just going to change and then we can go," Clare tells me and I nod.

She goes into her bedroom and I clean up the dishes, we take the subway to St. Luke's and go up to maternity where class is held. There's tea, coffee and cookies on a little table, lots of pamphlets and literature on raising children and different types of child birth with or without pain relief and stuff like that. Most of the women here are older than Clare and more pregnant than she is but there's one that looks younger than her and a couple that seem to be at her stage of pregnancy. Clare looks around and then begins walking toward the tea but her arm is grabbed and I look over to see Eli looking at her angrily.

"What's he doing here?" Eli asks with a hard edge to his voice.

"Johnny volunteered to come, I wasn't sure you make it Eli. You were supposed to come over last night and didn't show up," Clare reminds him.

"I told you I'd be here, I made sure I could be here, you're having this baby with me not him," Eli growls in a low voice.

"I'm not even sure I'm keeping this baby and Johnny is here as a friend calm down Eli, at least he doesn't break promises to me. I haven't heard from you all day and I'm supposed to do these classes with someone," Clare tells him.

"I'm just here to support Clare, it's probably better if we're both here anyway. She could go into labor at the apartment, in fact she's likely to," I point out and don't bother hiding the animosity in my tone.

"Johnny has a point you should both be here, you could be away when I go into labor. Let's just sit down," Clare insists pulling Eli by the hand and we sit down, Clare between us.

The class begins; the teacher is a registered maternity nurse and begins class with introductions and a questionnaire. Then she talks about labor and the warning signs, all of which I write down just to be safe. She talks about anatomy and how the pregnant woman's body will change.

"Sorry I snapped I've been stressed with this new job, since you're living with Clare I guess you should know what to do," Eli says when we stop for a break.

"I just want to be sure that Clare is safe when the time comes," I reply but I still don't like the way he snapped to jealousy.

"I'm glad you're both here," Clare says.

The last part of class is exercises for Clare to do, I almost leave for this part but only because it's arousing. The teacher is talking about Clare strengthening her vaginal muscles, something she goes into in great detail and I begin to picture it, which is bad. When the class ends we all go back to the apartment, Eli and Clare go straight to her room and I go into mine. I lie on my bed and gaze at the ceiling, all I can do is think of Clare. I like her so mush but she's dating Eli and I'm just the friend, this situation sucks! I like being her friend, I do and I will be here for her but I wish I didn't feel about her the way that I do. Or that she returned my feelings but she doesn't.

**(CLARE)**

"Morning I made you tea," Eli tells me coming into my room and waking me up.

"Thanks Eli," I grin taking the cup.

I am exactly 28 weeks pregnant today, I've been living in New York with Johnny for a month and Eli has been far more attentive since the first prenatal class. Honestly I think that it's just that he's jealous of Johnny, I know Eli suspects something. Nothing is going on but I must admit that I'm attracted to Johnny, more than just physically. I've tried denying it to myself but I can't and I think Johnny might feel the same, he hasn't said anything but he's always around when I need him and he smiles when I smile. He's always at work when Eli is here or hiding in his room but when Eli's gone he's with me, taking me around the city or just hanging out at the apartment.

Eli has been over a lot, actually he's nearly moved in. He comes after work and comes into my bedroom to sleep in here even if I'm asleep. He's been very attentive, making me food, tea and rubbing my back and feet. It's been nice and I do love Eli but I worry that he's doing all this out of jealousy and suspicion.

"We should go for a walk after breakfast you need your exercise," Eli says.

"That would be nice, maybe Johnny can join us," I comment.

"No I want time alone with you Clare; I thought we'd talk about the baby. Have you thought anymore about keeping it?" Eli questions.

"It's practically all I ever think about, I just don't know what to do. I'm going to get dressed and finish my tea could you make me some oatmeal please?" I request.

"Of course," Eli grins kissing me softly.

I finish my tea, get dressed and Eli has oatmeal waiting for me. He's eating a bagel and I sit down with him. We're just finishing breakfast when the doorbell rings; I haven't heard Johnny so he must be out. Eli takes our dishes and I get up to answer the door, I look through the peephole and I'm very excited to see the person on the other side so I throw open the door.

"Adam!" I grin hugging my best friend tightly.

"Heyyy…holy crap you're pregnant!" Adam exclaims pulling out of the hug to look at the obvious pregnant bulge I can no longer hide. He looks at it, back at me, and back at my belly. "When did you…how far…why didn't you…" Adam doesn't quite get out a sentence as he's just astonished at my pregnant belly.

"It's a long story, hey Adam," Eli says coming over and hugging Adam.

Adam comes in and I close the door, "Okay why didn't you tell anyone?"

"I didn't want to, I wasn't even sure that I was going to keep it, I'm still not," I confess to Adam as we all sit down on the sofa.

"Because your mom would freak?" Adam questions.

"Yes that too, no one else knows Adam, not Alli or my parents or anyone. I told Columbia so I could still be sure I could attend and I can. I'll be taking online classes for the first semester. Then I had to tell Eli because he and I were talking about getting back together. He was angry at first bu…"

"Eli you were angry after getting her pregnant?!" Adam snaps at Eli cutting me off.

"No I was angry that she was pregnant and the baby wasn't mine, it's Drew's," Eli blurts out.

"WHAT?! YOU AND MY BR…WHEN?!" Adam yells.

"The hoe down dance, I was broken up with Eli at the time," I tell him.

"You were…but he's back with Bianca although that does explain why you seemed to hate him all of a sudden. So you two got back together obviously," Adam says slowly he's obviously in shock.

"Yeah well after yelling at her over the phone I realized I'm in love with her still and went out to see her. We got back together and I helped her escape from Toronto before anyone knew she was pregnant," Eli explains.

"So you ran instead of telling anyone? Wait Drew has no idea; you haven't told Drew he's going to have a kid?"

"I haven't told anyone Adam and I didn't really think Drew needed to know," I confess but with a guilty tone.

"I can understand not telling your mom, or mine but why didn't you tell me and it's Drew's kid you can't just keep this a secret," Adam admonishes.

"We slept together one time, the condom must have broken and Drew's a good guy but can you really see him as a dad and I don't even know if I'm going to keep the baby," I remind him.

"Okay but shouldn't Drew get a say? That's my niece or nephew in there and I know my brother is a screw up and he can be a jerk but he's good with kids," Adam says in defense of Drew.

"That's because he's got the maturity and metal capacity of a kid," Eli grumbles and Adam shoots him a glare.

"By the time I found out I was pregnant he was rekindling with Bianca and I was terrified. I didn't want to tell anyone. At first I was set on giving the baby up for adoption but now I don't know, I'm considering keeping the baby. I'm just not sure of anything right now," I respond.

"Well we're all in New York, that's why I'm here but I didn't get the chance to tell you. My family and Bianca are staying in New York for the next few days. I can't force you to tell Drew and I'll keep the secret but I think you should, I think you know what's right," Adam says and I bite my lip. "So you guys want to show me around?" Adam inquires.

Eli and I get ready and leave with Adam, we spend several hours with him and he leaves to have dinner with his family. He promises not to say a thing about me being pregnant and I know Adam can keep a secret. Eli and I return to the apartment and he makes dinner but Johnny is still out.

"I don't think Drew should know a thing, Adam will still be the kid's uncle no matter what. We could get our own apartment, raise the baby together," Eli says.

"Eli that's a lot to take on and I just moved not to mention I'm only going to become more pregnant," I remind him.

"I know so we should do it soon, we could get married," Eli comments and I spit out the bite I just took.

"Eli I…that's…I need to think about this, all of this," I reply.

"Of course, you want me to sleep over again? I have to be at work early," Eli says.

"I thought you were coming with me to my prenatal?"

"Shit I forgot all about it, sorry I can't get out of work," Eli responds.

"It's fine Johnny can come with me and you should go back to the dorms tonight," I tell him.

After dinner I clean up and Eli goes home and I take shower. When Johnny gets home I ask him if he can take me to my prenatal and he says sure. I don't sleep very well; I wrestle all night with telling Drew and keeping the baby. My appointment is early so I eat a granola bar for breakfast as we walk to the subway station. The appointment starts with the doctor asking questions then she starts the ultrasound to check on the baby.

"What is it? I want to know," I tell her with a deep breath.

"Are you sure?" Johnny questions.

"Yes I'm sure, doctor what am I having?"

"You are carrying a healthy baby boy Clare," she says and my heart rate speeds up. Suddenly this tiny being inside me isn't just a baby it's my son.

I don't even remember the rest of the appointment I'm just thinking about the fact that I have a son! Before we leave Dr. Milk prints out a picture from the ultra sound and Johnny and I start walking to the subway but I stop him.

"There's something I need to do will you come with me?" I ask him.

"Of course what is it that you need to do?" Johnny inquires.

I don't reply but get out my phone pressing the contacts name and with every ring my heart begins to pound.

"Hello Drew can we meet there's something you need to know."

**Now aren't you glad the next update isn't next month but in fact Sunday December 14****th****? We'll pick up from about here with Clare telling Drew he's a daddy and his reaction.**


	3. Things I Long to Tell You

**Hope everyone enjoyed their weekend and is enjoying short story month, the regular schedule will resume Monday January 12****th****. **

**Ch.3 Things I Long to tell You**

**(ADAM)**

"It's Clare," my brother says with surprise looking at his ringing phone. I smile as he answers knowing why Clare is calling. "Umm okay…sure Bianca and I can come what's the address…uh yeah sure…see you in a bit," Drew says slowly with apprehension in his tone and hangs up the phone.

"What was that about?" Bianca questions.

"Clare needs to talk to me, she said you should come, and Adam too she said you already know the address," Drew comments looking at me.

"Yeah we'll need to get a cab or take the subway, when does she want to see us?" I ask.

"Right now, she said it was important and wouldn't tell me over the phone," Drew replies.

"Well tell Mom we're leaving, they aren't too far we can probably take the subway," I reply since we're in Central Park.

We tell Mom and Dad that Clare needs to see the three of us and it's very urgent, Mom seems to think it's something about Eli but they let us go and say to call them when we're done. We find the subway and take that since it seems faster than taking a cab. We still have to walk a couple of blocks to Clare and Johnny's apartment and I knock when we get there.

"Hey you're Adam I recognize you from Clare's pictures," Johnny greets me upon opening the door.

"Hi Johnny," I smile.

"Johnny it's been forever I didn't know Clare was living with you," Bianca grins hugging him. Sometimes I forget she used to hang out in the ravine.

"Yeah I had an extra room and needed a roommate, and you must be Drew," Johnny comments sizing up my brother.

"Uh yeah hi, where's Clare?" Drew questions barely shaking Johnny's hand.

"Don't be rude," Bianca admonishes Drew as Johnny opens the door to let us in.

We all step in and Johnny closes the door locking it behind us, Clare is standing behind the kitchen counter. She looks at me and Bianca but won't look at Drew; she's biting her lip and looking at her hands.

"Okay so what was so important that you had to…" Drew stops when Clare steps from behind the counter and her pregnant belly is quite obvious.

I have to admit I'm smiling; the thought that Clare is pregnant with my nephew is really exciting. Bianca is just gaping at Clare and it's hard to tell if she's going to attack Drew or start laughing. Drew is staring at her belly, it's like the sight of it has just shut him down, he's not turning red though more white.

"HOLY SHIT YOU'RE PREGNANT!" Drew yells.

"Yes 28 weeks and it's yours," Clare informs him.

"No we used a condom it can't be mine, Bianca it's not mine," Drew says quickly.

"The condom must have broken Drew it has to be yours it can't be anyone else's. The baby is yours Drew. I'm not expecting anything from you; I wasn't even going to tell you b…"

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU WEREN'T GOING TO TELL ME?! IT'S MY KID AND YOU WERE GOING TO KEEP IT FROM ME!" Drew yells and Clare cringes a little, Johnny goes over and stands by her.

"Drew stop yelling she was scared," I warn him.

"I wasn't going to tell anyone Drew, it wasn't just you. I only told the people that needed to know," Clare responds.

"I'M THE FATHER YOU DIDN'T THINK I NEEDED TO KNOW," he hollers again.

"Stop yelling," Bianca and I both scold him.

"Stress isn't good for Clare or the baby. Maybe we should all sit down," Johnny suggests putting his hand on Clare's back to direct her to the sofa.

Johnny sits on the end, Clare next to him, I sit between her and my brother, and Bianca sits on the other end. Clare looks at her hands and Johnny puts an arm around her in a hug.

"When…why…wha…" Drew stumbles over his words looking at Clare but mostly her pregnant belly. She sits back putting her hand on her belly and taking Johnny's hand, I don't think she even realized she did it.

"I think what Drew's trying to say, in his stumbling sentence, is when did you find out and why didn't you tell anyone?" Bianca speaks for Drew and he nods.

Clare recounts when she found out, how she felt, how scared she was and why she didn't tell anyone. Drew listens quietly until she gets to the part about her plan and she's saying that she was set on giving the baby away.

"So you were just going to give away my child and never even tell me," Drew growls.

"Yes I didn't think you'd need to be involved, I didn't think you'd want to be involved. Every time I pictured telling you I just imagined you exploding and hating me. I was already frightened and set on getting through this on my own," Clare replies in a resolved voice but it wavers slightly and I see a tear in her eye.

"Yeah well that was a really stupid thought," Drew comments and I see Johnny glare at him a little. "I would have been surprised, probably angry but I would have been there for you. You didn't have to do this alone, go to those appointments alone try to figure it all out on your own. Heck my whole family would have helped you and if you were still set on giving up the baby we could have talked about it. You are the most stubborn person ever, you can't get through everything on your own," Drew tells her and she looks at him now.

"I don't want to give the baby away anymore," she says and looks at Johnny and he gets up grabbing something from the kitchen counter and bringing it to Clare. "I was set on giving the baby away but now I'm set on keeping it, now I want to keep our son," Clare says.

She hands Drew the ultrasound printout with a clear picture of the baby boy inside her belly. Drew takes the picture and just stares at it a second, his mouth drops open slightly and his eyes glint with happiness. He looks at the picture and grins, he grins like I've never seen him grin before.

"That's my boy," Drew says and we all smile.

"I'm not expecting anything from you I just realized you should know," Clare comments.

"I want to be involved, this is my son," Drew tells her with a firm voice and then a knock on the door startles us all.

"I'll get it," Johnny offers standing up.

"Bianca? If Drew's involved it's going to affect you too," Clare speaks up as the door opens.

"Hey I thought I…what's he doing here?" Eli inquires with venom in his tone, glaring at Drew as he steps into the apartment and Johnny locks the door again.

"I'm the dad," Drew responds through clenched teeth.

"I thought we weren't going to tell him," Eli says going over and taking Johnny's seat next to Clare.

"I was sure I wasn't going to tell him but I was also sure that I wasn't going to keep the baby and therefore Drew never needed to know. I'm keeping my son, it's Drew's son too and he wants to be involved, he has a right to be involved. I had to tell him Eli," Clare asserts.

"You really think he should be involved he got you knocked up and then treated you like crap. What the hell kind of father do you think he's going to be," Eli snarls.

"I didn't know she was pregnant and I would have been there for her if I'd known. She's carrying my son I have every right to be in his life," Drew argues.

"Not in Clare's," Eli responds putting his arms securely around Clare.

"Eli he can't be a part of his son's life and not be a part of mine. I want to raise my son and I'm not sure how that's going to work but Drew wants to be involved and he has every right to be," Clare asserts.

"I thought we going to raise the baby, get our own apartment," Eli comments.

"I didn't decide if that's what I wanted Eli," she replies and looks a little scared, her hand clutching her belly.

"But you decided Drew should be involved," Eli growls.

"I'm the father I have the right to be involved I don't think you do," Drew growls back.

"Drew's right Eli he has the right to be involved, I was sure that he wouldn't want to but he does and he should be," Clare contends.

"You should have just stayed away from her, you never should have fucking touched her," Eli barks at Drew as he lets go of Clare and leaps up. He reaches over the two of us to try and hit my brother. Clare gasps trying to get away and shield her belly, Johnny runs over to shield Clare and Drew and I push Eli away.

"DUDE YOU NEED TO CHILL OUT," Johnny tells Eli grabbing him by the shirt and pushing him toward the door. "Take a walk and if you cool down maybe I'll let you back in," Johnny informs Eli as he pushes him out the door and locks it again.

"You alright Clare?" Bianca asks before the rest of us can.

"Yeah I'm okay the boy is upset though he's moving all over the place," she comments with her hand on her belly.

"Can I feel?" Drew questions and Clare nods. I move over sitting where Eli was so Drew can feel his son move. Clare takes Drew's hand and places it on the right spot on her stomach. Drew grins when he feels it, "That's my son."

Drew sits back down and Bianca feels the baby and then me. Johnny brings Clare some water and sits in the armchair.

"How long has Eli been like that?" I ask Clare.

"I guess since telling him I was pregnant with Drew's kid, I told you how he exploded on the phone. Then he called back to apologize, it's a lot to handle and he's been very understanding, for the most part," she tells us.

"Really because that looked possessive and jealous to me," Bianca remarks.

"Yeah I hate to say it but he is acting a lot like when he was jealous of Fitz, and then Jake," I remind her.

"Let's forget about Eli for now, if you're going to be involved Drew then we have a lot to talk about. I'm not moving back to Toronto and I don't think you can move to New York. It's an eight hour drive from Toronto to New York," Clare points out.

"We'll make the drive while you're pregnant and after that maybe we can meet half way, four hours for each of us," Bianca speaks up.

"Then you're okay being involved too?" Clare asks the question Bianca never got to answer because Eli came in.

"Well I knew you two slept together and I'm not exactly shocked, Drew wants to be involved and I want to be with him. I think it will be good for him and me too. I'll still be at Wilfred Laurier and Drew will be at York but maybe we can look at transferring to schools closer to you. We could share custody, but I suppose we have a while to figure all that out," Bianca comments.

"Yeah we still have some time and we need to tell my parents, they're going to want to be involved," Drew points out.

"Oh no your mother is going to hate me," Clare says putting her head in her hands.

"They won't, they'll be shocked and maybe a little angry but they won't hate you," Drew says taking her hand and she looks up at him, "I don't. I just wish you'd told me sooner."

"We'll talk to Mom and Dad and maybe meet you for dinner. Eli probably shouldn't come but Johnny can come to support you, just to be safe," I tell Clare.

"I'll be there," Johnny nods.

"You know he likes you," I whisper to Clare when she stands up to hug me. She looks at me with her eyebrows pinched together, "Johnny he cares about you Clare."

She looks at him and back to me, "No he…"

"Yeah he does big time," I smile.

Bianca hugs Clare and Johnny, even Drew and Clare hug and he feels her belly one more time. We leave and call Mom and Dad to find out where to meet and get back on the subway.

"So telling your parents is going to be fun," Bianca remarks.

"Oh yeah tons," I nod rolling my eyes.

"Hopefully mom won't just go nuclear and she'll actually listen," my brother says hopefully, "or I'm going to need to hide and we can't bring Clare around her until she cools down."

**(CLARE)**

"That actually went much better than I thought it would. Well all except for Eli, I'm sorry for his behavior," I apologize to Johnny.

"Your friends had a point Clare and you told me yourself he's behaved this way before, it isn't good for you or your son," Johnny tells me and I bite my lip looking away. "Hey you told Drew and he was a little mad but he wants to be involved. Even Bianca is supportive, they want to share custody they're willing to relocate to be closer to us. Or to you and Eli, why didn't you tell me he asked you to move in?"

"He sprung it on me yesterday, said we could get our own place and raise the baby together, never tell Drew. It was after Adam came and Eli just said we should live together and I didn't know what to say. I just told him it was a lot to think about," I tell Johnny looking at him now.

"And do you want to live with him?" Johnny questions.

"I…I don't know, I love Eli and part of me probably always will, he was my first love," I reply.

"Yeah I'll always have a soft spot for Alli," Johnny nods.

"Our relationship has always been complicated, Eli's put up with a lot."

"That doesn't give him the right to treat you like that," Johnny speaks up.

"I know but he was the first to find out, really the only person to find out and he's bipolar," I reply slowly.

"And you're making excuses like a battered wife, I'm sure Eli cares about you but he couldn't even handle knowing Drew was going to be involved in his own child's life. He's jealous of Drew, he's jealous of me and he only wants to move you out of here so that we're not living together," Johnny alleges, "is it what you want Clare?"

"No, I like living here, I like living with you and I don't think I could live with Eli," I respond looking down again.

"Then stay here with me and tell Eli you can't live with him," Johnny says.

"I will," I nod.

"And break up with him," Johnny adds.

"I ca…" I don't even get the word can't out before Johnny takes my arms and presses his lips to mine. I freeze unable to breathe and just as I begin to melt into the kiss there's a loud knock on the door and we break apart.

"Clare it's me, please let me in so we can talk," Eli requests.

"I'll be in my room if you need me," Johnny says letting go of me and heading for the stairs. I almost grab him, tell him to stay with me and kiss me again but I don't move.

"Clare," Eli calls knocking on the door again.

"Coming," I yell back and turn to walk to the front door letting Eli in.

"Everyone else left?" He asks stepping in.

"Johnny's in his room and the other's went to talk to Audra and Omar. We can talk in my room," I tell him. We walk back to my room and I close the door, both of us sitting on my bed.

"I overreacted but I was surprised to see Drew here I thought you were set on not telling him," Eli comments.

"I was but I was also set on just never telling anyone, getting rid of the baby and pretending like it never happened. The more pregnant I became, the more I could feel my son moving around and grew to love him the more I struggled with the reality of keeping him. Yes I found out I was having a son and as soon as I knew that and knew I wanted to keep him I knew I had to tell Drew. Like it or not he is the father and he has every right to be involved in his child's life."

"And what kind of father do you think Drew will be?" Eli spits back.

"Eli that isn't fair you barely even know Drew," I argue.

"Neither do you," he shoots back.

"I do know him; it's why I was afraid to tell him at first. Adam is right Drew is good with kids and he is a good guy," I contend.

"You had sex with him once you don't know him, he does nothing but cause trouble for everyone," Eli says.

"Eli you're attacking Drew for no reason, he didn't know he got me pregnant, he wants to be involved in his child's life he's not trying to marry me. He's happy with Bianca and they both want to be involved. If you're going to be with me, if you're even considering raising this baby with me then you have to accept that Drew is going to be involved," I inform him.

"I don't know," Eli replies looking away from me.

"So all that talk about us living together and raising the baby you didn't mean any of that?"

"No I did Clare," he says taking my hands and locking his eyes with mine, "I meant every word. I want the two of us to live together and raise the baby on our own, just the two of us."

"But Eli it isn't just the two of us, there are more people involved. You can't keep Drew from being around his child and helping to raise his son and what about Adam? He's our friend but Drew's his brother and we don't have the right to keep Drew's family from knowing this child," I assert putting my hand on my belly. Eli opens his mouth but before he can speak my phone rings, it's Adam calling so I answer. "Hey Adam," I say into the phone and Eli moves closer like he's trying to hear.

"Hey so we told Mom and Dad, they weren't happy and shocked would be an understatement but they've settled down and come to accept it. They want you to meet us for dinner at Pisticci in an hour," Adam tells me.

"Okay I'll see you then," I reply and hang up the phone. "Can we talk about this some other time I need to get ready to meet the Torres family for dinner," I request.

"I'll come with you," Eli states with his teeth tightly clenched.

"No we think it's better if you don't come, i…"

"This is Drew's doing isn't it? He's trying to keep you away from me," Eli snarls.

"Eli it's a dinner with the Torres parents to talk about Drew's involvement and I don't know how they're going to react. No one is trying to keep us apart," I assure him.

"No Drew's trying to take you, he knows you're carrying his kid and he's trying to keep you," Eli snarls.

"Eli do you hear yourself? You're talking crazy, this is just a dinner and considering the way you reacted and how you treated everyone this afternoon you can't blame them for not wanting you there," I point out with an angry and annoyed edge to my voice.

"It shouldn't be his baby it should be mine, I don't want him involved," Eli snaps and then storms out of my room and the apartment slamming the front door.

I hear Johnny running down the stairs as soon as Eli storms out, he comes in the room sitting on the bed next to me.

"Are you okay?" Johnny asks.

"Yeah fine, I can't deal with him right now. Adam called we're supposed to meet them for dinner at Pisticci in an hour. Do you know where that is?"

"Yeah it's close to Columbia, I'll start getting ready are you sure you're okay?"

"I'll deal with Eli later let's just get ready for this dinner," I respond and get up going to my closet.

Johnny leaves my room and I start looking through my clothes but suddenly burst into tears. I'm not even a hundred percent sure why I'm crying other than Eli was being a jerk. Johnny's suddenly back in the room, turning me to him and enveloping me in his arms. I cry against his chest for a few minutes but I do feel better just being in his arms.

"I'm sorry, I'm okay, I don't even know why I'm crying," I apologize wiping the tears from my eyes as I look up at Johnny.

"You have a bunch hormones coursing through your body and I can only imagine what Eli said, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm alright we should get ready, dress nice," I tell Johnny.

He brushes the tears from my eyes and leaves my room again. I look at my closet settling on a black skirt that has an elastic band and sits under my pregnant belly. I pair it with a navy maternity blouse Johnny bought me last weekend while we were out, after Eli broke another date. I realize what I need to do but I can't think about now I have to prepare for this dinner with Audra and Omar. I wear black flats and brush my hair, putting makeup on to cover up the fact that I was crying. When I come out I see that Johnny is ready, black jeans and a white dress shirt with a jacket. His hair is combed back and he looks very handsome, I smile upon seeing him.

"You look great," Johnny smiles.

"Thanks so do you," I grin.

We leave the apartment and take the subway, when we get to the restaurant I tell them we're with the Torres party and they show us to the table.

"Hello Clare good to see you," Audra says barely looking up from my belly.

"Yeah you as well, Audra and Omar Torres this is Johnny DiMarco my roommate, he's been immensely supportive," I introduce Johnny to the Torres parents.

"It's good to meet you Johnny, please sit down both of you," Omar tells us after shaking Johnny's hand. Johnny pulls out my chair, I smile at him and we sit down.

"Well we were informed of the situation this afternoon and that Drew, as well as Bianca, will be involved," Audra comments.

"Yes Ma'am and I think it's great, Drew should be involved and Bianca too, you all should," I remark and then go quiet as the waiter comes to get our drink order.

When the waiter leaves I quickly explain why I didn't say anything and what my plan was. I'm sure they already heard some of this from Drew, Bianca and Adam but I want them to hear it from me. They listen silently until the waiter comes to take our order, when he leaves I continue explaining the last several months to the Torres parents.

"And now you live with Johnny who's been very supportive but what about Eli? He wants to be involved?" Audra questions.

"Eli…" I pause biting my lip and Adam looks at me.

"Did something happen with Eli?" Adam asks.

"He came over and I think we're done, he was angry that Drew was going to be involved. He was convinced Drew was trying to take me from him and just…I can't be involved with Eli anymore, it's not good for me or anyone. Johnny's been taking me to most of my appointments anyway and he's been to the prenatal class with me. As I said Johnny's been very supportive," I reply with a smile at Johnny.

"When are you due Clare?" Omar asks.

"September 13th but the doctor's said I probably wouldn't carry all the way to term," I answer.

"Does that mean our son will be born premature? Is there something wrong?" Drew questions in a panic.

"No Drew relax I'm sure everything is fine, it's probably because it's Clare's first pregnancy and with her age and size she'll go into labor early. Isn't that right Clare," Audra says.

"Yes the baby is fine Drew don't panic but that's what the doctor said, exactly what your mom just said. I don't think he'll be premature or I'll go into labor too early," I assure Drew and he relaxes just as the food is brought out.

"Have you told your mom?" Audra inquires.

"No telling my mom is scarier than telling Drew," I reply.

"Well our whole family wants to be involved obviously; I hope you'll keep us informed of every step. During the summer we'll drive down once a month and when you go into labor of course," Audra comments.

"Yes of course," I nod.

"I'll get everyone's numbers before we leave and be sure to keep you informed of every step," Johnny offers and Audra smiles.

"My office partners with a firm here and they maintain a suite on Manhattan so it won't be a problem for us to come so often. Should you go on bed rest or should something go wrong we could come more often. We'll also be looking at having Drew and Bianca transfer next year or possibly in January. Until then we'll have to discuss a suitable custody agreement for both you and Drew," Omar tells me.

"Yeah but there's time for that," Drew speaks up.

"We should all be a part of that conversation, if we're all going to be involved," I point out and Audra nods.

"And your apartment is it set up for a baby?" Audra questions.

"No but she wasn't sure she was going to keep the baby until today really. We will set up the apartment for the baby, he'll sleep in Clare's room at first and we have a den Clare can take over," Johnny says.

"We'll have a baby shower for you when we come back next month and we should do some shopping while we're here. Are you free tomorrow?" Audra asks.

I'm so shocked at how well they're taking this it takes me a second to answer, "Yes tomorrow is good."

"Good we'll call you in the morning; you can have breakfast with us. Johnny would you like to join us?" Audra offers.

"Yes thank you that would be great," he grins.

We spend the rest of dinner mostly discussing how I should take care of myself during the pregnancy. After dinner we walk out together and Drew pulls me aside.

"You're really breaking up with Eli?"

"Yes after his behavior today I don't see how I can stay with him, it's not good for me or our son," I reply putting my hand on my belly.

"I am sorry I really wanted it to work out with you two, especially after getting back together with Bianca. But Johnny obviously cares about you and he seems like a good guy," Drew says.

"Thanks Drew, I should have told you I was pregnant I just…"

"You were scared," Drew cuts me off, "I get it, I wish you had told me but I get that you were scared. At least I know now, just keep Eli away. We can be there with you when you break up with him if you want," Drew offers.

"Thanks but I'm afraid Eli might hit you, probably just Adam should be there," I reply and Drew grins.

I hug Drew and we say goodnight to the Torres clan, Johnny and I take the subway back to our apartment. He locks up and I go into my room but he knocks on the door and I let him in.

"So you're really breaking up with Eli?"

"Yes I'll call him tomorrow after we go out with the Torres family," I nod.

"I think that's good, you know I'm here for you," Johnny says.

"Yeah I know, thanks for everything Johnny," I smile. He grins back and turns to leave. "Johnny," I call to him and he turns back. "Have a good night," I say instead of what I wanted to say.

"Yeah you too," he responds and closes my door.

I sink down in my bed, my head falling in my hands, "I want to tell you I really like you but I'm scared."

**Update Friday December 19****th**** and that will be last chapter everyone, which will include EClare breakup and Clare giving birth. This will be replaced with Waiting on a Spark that Hasn't Happened Yet.**


	4. Say Goodbye and I Love You

**Just a few more days on short story month from December 23****rd**** to January 4****th**** I will not be posting daily because of the holiday's. As I can get to them I will be posting Christmas chapters for storied that never made it to Christmas like Between Love & Darkness. How often I post and how many I'm able to post will depend on the time that I have.**

**Please see the DeGrassi Saviors website for the entire December and January schedule.**

**Ch. 4 Say Goodbye and I Love You**

**(CLARE)**

"Thanks for coming with me Adam, I know I couldn't have done this alone and I don't think anyone else could have come with me," I smile at my best friend as we prepare to leave my place and meet Eli at his dorm. Eli thinks the three of us are going to hang out but we're really going over so I can break up with him. "Well I guess Bianca could have come with me but it's better with you, Eli hates Drew simply because we had sex and he's jealous of Johnny," I sigh.

"To be fair he has a reason to be jealous of Johnny, seeing as you're falling for him and all," Adam smiles as we walk out to the living room.

"Adam shhh," I scold him. I know this place is sound proofed but Johnny often leaves his bedroom door open.

"What? You mean you haven't told him yet? Clare I know he likes you too, even Drew knows he likes you. Just make out with him already," Adam grins.

"Adam! Let's go and remind me to smack Drew for being a bad influence on you," I huff grabbing my purse and pulling Adam out the door.

On the walk to the subway, the subway ride and the walk to Eli's dorm all I can think about is what to say to him. I wish there was a way to do this that Eli wouldn't get angry but I know there isn't. No matter what I say he's going to be angry, he's going to blame everyone else and I'm going to leave feeling terrible. The closer we get to Eli's door the more nervous I become, but I'm resolute in doing this, it has to be done for me and my son. Adam knocks and Eli lets us in, he's not even dressed, he's only got jeans on and his hair is wet, he must have just showered.

"Sorry shooting ran late just come and sit down I'll be dressed in a sec," Eli tells us closing his door again.

"So where do you want to go? I know this…"

"Eli I came over to break up with you," I blurt out and cut him off.

Eli was about to put on a shirt but he drops it and glowers at me, "You came over here to break up with me?!"

Eli advances toward us and Adam stands in front of me, I don't think Eli would ever intentionally hurt me but he is pretty angry.

"I loved you Eli a part of me always will but w…"

"You're getting back together with Drew aren't you? I knew that would happen the moment I saw that brain dead jock at your place. You never should have told him you were pregnant with his kid," Eli growls so angry that he spits.

"Hey watch what you say about my brother," Adam snaps.

"Eli Drew is the father he has every right to know that he was going to have a son. I couldn't keep the baby and keep it from everyone, even if I'd given it away he had a right to know," I respond.

"So you break up with me for him just because he's the father!"

"Eli I'm not getting back together with Drew he's engaged to Bianca. We're barely even friends but he is the dad and he's going to be involved. His entire family is," I stress and my tone is beginning to waiver with anxiety.

"Then it's him, you're breaking up with me because of Johnny aren't you? I knew you moving in with a guy was a bad idea, I never should have let you," Eli seethes his green eyes burning with jealousy and hate.

"Let me?! Eli you don't control me I chose to move in with Johnny and I'm not breaking up with you because of him. I'm breaking up with you because I you don't trust me, because we're not good together anymore and because I have a baby to think about. I do think it will be good for Drew to be involved and know his son but I don't think it will be good for you to. I'm sorry Eli I can't be with you anymore."

With that I flee Eli's dorm room before he can say, or do, anything else. Adam doesn't follow me right away so he must be talking with Eli. Adam does catch up to me a minute later, he doesn't say anything just runs up and falls in stride with me.

"You want to go home?" Adam questions and I shake my head.

"No I think we better go warn Drew to be wary of Eli and I need to tell my mom. I think Drew should probably be around for that although he may want to be," I reply getting out my phone.

Adam gets his out too so he can find out where his family is and we can meet up with them. I text my mom that we need to talk and ask if we can maybe video chat later. She doesn't reply right away so I call Johnny.

"How'd it go?" He asks upon answering.

"Not great, Eli was angry of course but he didn't take any responsibility he just blamed you and Drew. He's pretty outraged you might want to get out of the house for a while," I suggest.

"I'm already out but what about you?" Johnny questions and I hear the worry his tone carries.

"I'm with Adam, we're going to meet up with his family and I'm going to tell my mom. I probably won't be home until tonight," I tell Johnny.

"Okay, try to have some fun, stress isn't good for you or the baby," he reminds me.

I say that I will and we hang up, Adam tells me that his family is in Brooklyn and they'll meet us this afternoon. So Adam and I go to SOHO and visit some museums before grabbing lunch and heading back to his family's suite.

"So how'd it go with Eli?" Bianca asks when we walk in the suite.

"Not so good but it's done. He doesn't know where you guys are staying but if you see him try and avoid him Drew, I think he might try and hurt you. He's really mad and convinced that I was leaving him for you or Johnny," I tell Drew.

"Well you are leaving him for Johnny right?" Drew inquires.

"No I'm leaving him because I can't be with him, it's not good for me or our son. I haven't even talked to Johnny, not about us," I reply.

"Yeah well you should," Adam comments and I shoot him a look.

"I sent a text to my mom asking her to video chat later so I can tell her. I haven't heard back yet and you don't have to be with me but I…"

"I'll be with you Clare," Drew cuts me off, "I'm in this with you. If you'd told me from the beginning I would have been in it with you from the beginning."

"Thanks Drew," I smile.

"Kids we're going to out for a while, you four can do what you want and we'll meet back up for dinner. Clare id your mom gives you any trouble let me know," Audra tells me and I nod.

The Torres parents leave, Adam makes me some tea and we hang out watching TV for a while until I get a text. It's my mom saying she'll be home in an hour and we can video chat. Drew says that's fine and we can do it Adam's room with his laptop. We keep watching TV and the closer it gets the time the more nervous I become. A few minutes before it's time to talk with my mom Drew and I go into the bedroom Adam is using and I turn on his laptop. We get the video chat program ready; Mom's using my old account so it's already on Adam's list. When my mom's face comes on the screen my heart is pounding and hands are sweating I'm so nervous.

"Clare it's good to see you Honey, hello Drew I didn't know you were in New York," Mom comments obviously confused why he's here.

"Yes Ma'am we're visiting the city my dad's firm partners with one here and they put us up," Drew sort of rambles, he's nervous too.

"Mom I asked you to chat for a reason, I have to tell…you…that…I'm pregnant," I barely manage to get the words out and pause for breaths between them.

"You…" Mom gasps staring at me with her mouth dropped open and her eyes wide with shock. It's very silent and very tense for a moment, none of us say anything or even move. "You're the father," Mom says looking at Drew.

"Yes Ma'am, I didn't know anything until a couple of days ago but I'm going to be involved, my whole family is. Bianca and I will drive down until she gives birth and then we'll meet halfway and share custody. Then Bianca and I will look at transferring schools so we're closer to Clare and our son," Drew assures my mom.

"I broke up with Eli, he's not good for me or the baby but I have the support of Drew's family and Johnny," I tell her.

"When did you even find out you were pregnant Clare?" Mom questions. For the next hour I tell Mom everything, from finding out I was pregnant, wanting to hide it and give away the baby. Telling Colombia, Eli and Johnny when I asked about the room for rent. Then Adam finding out which of course led to confessing to Drew. "I'm not sure what to say, this is a lot. I can't believe you didn't tell me when you found out. At least you have support out there, Drew I'd like to speak with your mom and Clare Glen and I will find some time to come visit around the baby's due date. You let us know if there's anything you need Clare and I'll talk to you soon."

"Thanks Mom," I smile and we hang up. I look at Drew and let out a breath of relief, "That went way better than I thought it would, I can't believe she was so supportive."

"Yeah well if you'd told everyone when you found out you wouldn't have spent so long being stressed," Drew admonishes.

"So we didn't hear any yelling," Bianca comments when Drew and I come out of the bedroom.

"Yeah my mom's being supportive can you believe it? She wants to talk to your parents but she was just shocked not even angry," I smile.

"Good," Adam grins, "Mom called she wants us to meet them for dinner."

"Now that I'm not stressed about telling my mom I'm starved, let's go," I say grabbing my purse.

We leave the suite and take the subway to meet the Torres parents for dinner. When we get into the restaurant I see Johnny at the table with the Torres parents.

"Johnny what are you doing here?" I ask with a smile on my face as he pulls my chair out for me.

"Audra and Omar invited me to dinner," he tells me and my smile gets a little bigger.

At dinner we tell them what happened with my mom and Audra says she'll call my mom tomorrow. After a nice dinner with the Torres family we arrange to meet them tomorrow for lunch before they go home. Johnny and I return home on the subway, Johnny unlocks the front door and turns on the lights. Before I can go into my room Johnny takes my hand and turns me to him.

"Hang on before you go to your room I want to tell you that I like you Clare. More than just a roommate or even a friend, I really like you Clare and I want to be with you," Johnny tells me.

I smile linking my arms around his neck and joining our lips for passionate kiss. I part my lips just slightly and tug at Johnny's bottom lip as I pull away.

"I like you too and I want to be with you," I smile. "But there is a little more involved than just being with me," I remind him rubbing my pregnant belly as my son kicks.

Johnny smiles and puts his hand on my belly and his arm around me, "I know and I want this too. I want to raise your son with you, and Drew, Bianca, Adam and everyone else involved. I like Drew and his whole family and this little guy will have one big family," Johnny says rubbing my belly, "Come with me I have something to show you."

He takes me to my room but when he opens the door and turns on the light only none of my stuff is in the room. Instead it's been set up for the baby, there's a crib and changing table, even a rocking chair and some baby decorations on the wall.

"Johnny when did you do all this? How?" I breathe out in astonished happiness.

"With some help form Audra and Omar, it's all secondhand but it's in good shape. I thought this would be a good room for the baby and you could share mine, sine we're dating now," Johnny tells me with a grin.

"What were you going to do if I said I didn't want to be with you?" I giggle.

"Moved it all back but I overheard you telling Adam this morning how you felt so I knew I wasn't taking a risk. I thought we'd make the den into a playroom and all your stuff can be moved into my room. Some buddies will come over tomorrow and help me move the furniture around. You can tell us where you want everything, I don't care what furniture is in the room or how things are arranged as long as you're happy," Johnny tells me before giving me a gentle kiss.

"You're amazing," I grin stealing my boyfriend's lips for another kiss.

**(JOHNNY)**

"We have to leave in a few minutes to meet the Torres clan for dinner. Drew already sent me a text to say they were checked in," I inform Clare walking over to the sofa.

"Okay you better help me up or we'll never get there," she comments putting out her hands so I can help her off the sofa.

It's the beginning of August and Clare is 34 and half weeks pregnant. The two of us have been dating for six weeks and we're very happy. My friends helped us move some of her furniture into my room, what is now our room and the rest of her stuff into the bedroom and some of my stuff out. We sold the rest and were able to buy some more baby stuff. All of Clare's friends, my friends, and our families know that Clare was pregnant with Drew's baby but we we're all involved and going to raise it. Drew, Adam and Bianca have been driving down every weekend and Audra and Omar come as often as they can. Last weekend everyone came to the apartment for a baby shower, well everyone that could come anyway but Alli came and she was happy for us, and Clare's family was there.

Thankfully we haven't seen or heard from Eli since Clare broke up with him. Adam has been in touch with Eli through e-mail a little but that's it. All Adam will tell us is that Eli is dating someone new but still angry at me and Drew.

"Oh," Clare breathes out putting her hand on her belly after I help her up.

"Are you okay?" I ask putting my arms around her.

"Yeah I'm fine just feeling like a whale, let's go it takes me a while to waddle to the subway station," Clare says.

I smile and kiss her cheek, grab her purse and we head out. We're meeting the Torres family pretty close to the apartment so it's a short subway ride. Clare is moving a little slower when the subway stops and she's gripping my hand tightly.

"You sure you're okay?" I question looking at her and see that she's slightly pale.

"Umm how far is the hospital? I'm pretty sure I'm in labor," Clare informs me.

"Okay let's get back on there's a hospital at the next stop," I tell her and we get back on.

After Clare's water breaks in the subway car someone alerts the train workers that she's in labor. We get a security escort at the stop and they call ahead to the hospital. An orderly with a wheelchair meets us about halfway to the hospital. Now that Clare's in a wheelchair and we're headed to the hospital I call Drew.

"Hey we won't be meeting you guys for dinner she's gone into labor we're walking to the hospital," I enlighten him.

"She's in labor, holy crap this is it, we're on our way," Drew says and hangs up. He calls me back when he realizes he needs to know what hospital we're going to.

Clare is taken up to maternity and I start filling out paperwork while calling Helen. After the paperwork I'm taken to Clare's room, she's in a gown and is breathing through a contraction.

"Drew and everyone will be here soon, how do you feel?" I ask Clare taking her hand.

"The contractions hurt but they're bringing me an epidural," she tells me.

"Good, do you need anything?" I question.

"Drew would be nice, he got me pregnant and I feel like yelling at someone," she replies and I laugh.

"He'll be here soon, you can yell at me until then," I offer.

"I don't want to yell at you I love you," she replies.

I'm not sure if it's the situation or the pain or she really means it. I don't have time to ask her either as the door bursts open and the Torres family comes in.

"How's my boy? How are you? What can I do?" Drew asks rushing over to her.

"He's ready to come out, I'm better now that the contraction is gone and just be here," Clare answers and Drew grins.

"We'll be in the waiting room calling everyone," Audra says coming over and squeezing Clare's hand.

Just as the Torres parents leave a doctor comes in and he gives Clare an epidural. She's much more relaxed after that and doesn't even yell at Drew. We start talking about the baby and all the stuff we want to show him, Clare and Drew discuss names for the hundredth time and finally settle on one.

"Alright Clare you are ready so who's going to be in here for the birth?" The nurse asks.

"I'm the dad," Drew says.

"I'm her boyfriend," I speak up and kiss Clare.

"I'm his fiancé," Bianca tells the nurse pointing to Drew.

"And I'm the uncle and the best friend," Adam informs her.

"Let them all stay," Clare tells her and squeezes my hand.

"Okay then I'll get the doctor and we'll be right back," the nurse replies and leaves the room.

"We're about to be parents, and an uncle," I grin at Clare.

"It's about time this kid needs to come out," Clare comments and I kiss her again.

The nurse returns with the doctor, Drew and I hold Clare's hands, Bianca and Adam stand by us. The doctor does some things down below, another nurse comes in and the doctor tells Clare to push. She sounds like she's in a lot of pain when she pushes and she squeezes mine and Drew's hands very hard but after ten minutes of pushing we all hear a cry. As soon as we hear it we all get the same look on our face, it's elation and we look down but can't see anything yet. Clare pushes again and suddenly there's a baby, a dirty pink crying lump that's whisked away before we get a good look at it.

"Is he okay? Where's our son?" Clare questions darting her eyes between me and Drew.

"He's fine, he's being cleaned," I tell her.

They're still doing things between her legs and I see a lot of blood but the doctor says she's okay. And then a nurse comes over with the baby wrapped in a blanket. All we can see is his little face and his eyes are closed. The nurse hands him to Clare and she smiles in a way I've never seen before. There's such love and bliss in the smile, she cradles her son in her arms and then looks at us.

"Hi Aaron, welcome to the world," she grins and looks at Drew. "We made a baby," she says to Drew with happy tears in her eyes.

"Yeah we did and he's gorgeous," Drew smiles stroking his son's cheek.

"Welcome to the family Aaron William Edwards-Torres," Adam says grinning at his nephew.

"He's perfect, just perfect," Bianca smiles, "I'll go get your parents," she offers and leaves to get Audra and Omar from the waiting room.

"He's beautiful, isn't he beautiful?" Clare remarks looking from Aaron to me, at just this moment Aaron opens his eyes and looks right at me.

"He's amazing, just like his mom," I reply pushing a curl behind her ear and abducting her lips.

Audra and Omar come in, everyone looks at Aaron, everyone holds him, lots of pictures are taken and we don't stop smiling. After a couple of hours Clare is exhausted so everyone else leaves so that she can rest. Aaron is in a bassinet next to her bed and asleep already. Drew and the others will be back in the morning and said to call if we need them; Helen and Glen are flying in on the first flight they can find. For right now it's just the three of us in Clare's room, I'm lying on the bed and holding her.

"I love him so much, I didn't think it was possible to love this much," Clare tells me looking at her sleeping son.

"I did, I love you Clare," I say and attach my lips to hers. Aaron starts crying so I break the kiss and go over picking him up. I lie down holding him between us and look at Clare again, giving her another kiss, "I love you both."

**That's it for this story Waiting on a Spark that hasn't Happened Yet will replace this and will premiere on January 15****th****.**


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